I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
