i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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