I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
