are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
My penis needs a shock collar
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
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