so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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