Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
