he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
