***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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