I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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