I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
