I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
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