So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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