I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize