We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Is it penis luge time yet?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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