Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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