I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
