There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
