Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Randomize
