This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
