Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
