he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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