I cockslap morals
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Randomize
