I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
