I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize