I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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