once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
