Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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