I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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