please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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