Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
