I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
