You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
