did you get engaged???
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Randomize
