got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize