Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
