I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Randomize
