it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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