My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
