she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
