I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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