if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
