He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
