I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
