Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
