I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
