I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
