I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
