I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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