I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
