worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
