I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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