I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Randomize
