I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
