One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
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