I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
