Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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