I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
