My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
