she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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