we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
