had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize