If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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