jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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