I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
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