I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
