she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
