I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Randomize
